Come to L.A. and Visit Our Beautiful Beaches!
If you have never been to Venice Beach, you should go. It is beautiful! Homeless corpses and shitty vendors selling even shitty brick-a-brack as far as the eye can see. Also there is usually a nice layer of trash covering the sand. It is pretty much the only beach I have ever been to where I would recommend putting shoes on before walking into the sand. I actually don’t know if I have even been on the beach in Venice since around late 90’s/early 2000’s when it was still kinda cool because they had all the structures to skate. But it doesn’t look like much has changed. Except they leveled all the places to skate because they were pretty much just hobo villages. So clearly the hobos just moved to the sand.
Last time I went to the beach at Venice Beach I saw two dudes trying to be sly about trading blow jays. They were not very sly.
Also, this guy might actually be dead. For his sake, lets hope so.
Location: Venice Beach
Picture submitted by: Alicia
Don’t Drink and Bike (or possibly be homeless)
Drunk biking seems like a really good idea, but it never is. You are usually gonna get really injured and not realize it until sometime the next afternoon, when you wake up, stuck to the sheets of your bed where all the blood from your face wounds have dried up.
Once I had a friend drunkly wreck his bike and then accidently call 911 on himself. He was woke by the cops kicking him awake trying to figure out where all the blood came from.
Recently I was wondering down the street to meet my old lady for a drink and was running early(knew she would be running late) so decided I would stop in Arinells for some pizza. If you live in SF, it is where the dirty metal kids make the pizza, that you freak out because it is 10:30 and you are kinda drunk but they are already closed. Anyways, as I am about to turn into my pizza dreams, something catches my arm. It is some drunk dude riding his bike down the sidewalk. As he catches my arm, he loses what little control he had left. And with that his handle bar caught the front gate of Arinells, which flips that fucker straight into the air and on top of his head. The dudes in the pizza land come running out laughing, yelling about how they saw that shit and it was hilarious. About the time they realized dude was out cold, they went back inside. I gave the dude a kick in the arm, asked him if he was dead, which he replied with waking up super confused and trying to figure out why his head hurt so bad. I went inside to get my pizza.
Anyways, back to this corpse. My best guess is he probably just fell over the handle bars, being all perched up on that three foot seat stem. Either that or his hobo AIDS caught up with him.
Location: S.F. (Haight and Central)
Picture submitted by: Chris
Bored to Death
That book must have been boring as shit for this girl to take a fucking face plant into here bag. Also, she is clearly dead because I know for a fact it was nice as fuck out and everyone in SF knows if it is above 60, you pretty much get naked in the park. Another victim of Delores Park, hat place gets the best of everyone.
Location: S.F. (Dolores Park)
Picture submitted by: Alicia (only because I was too lazy to get up and take the picture myself / pulled a muscle in my leg the night before after all day drinking and then deciding it was a good idea to climb into a bouncy house to beat on my friends)
That one time I went to SF
Someone decided to take a little post retirement vacay to SF and forgot where the shit his hotel was. Is he rocking a hip pack? Looks like it. If anyone is missing a grandpa right about now, I think we may have found him. Come claim him before the hobos claim him.
Location: S.F. (Corner of 5th and Market. AKA where your gramps is taking a nap)
Picture submitted by: Alicia
Epic Night Brah!
Clearly this is some Bro that went to fucking hard showing up all his Bro friends how many Jäger-bombs he could do and is now suffering the wrath of the dumbest drink combo to ever grace the planet Earth. I guess at least someone had to foresight to leave him some potato salad to work that hangover when he wakes up.
P.S. why the fuck do people always some kinda shitty store bought potato salad or something as equally unwanted around hobos. You clearly don’t want that garbage can food mix, why did you buy it in the first place?
Location: S.F. (Haight St. Where idiot kids go to play homeless)
Picture submitted by: Alicia
Pre-Boarding Nightmare
I had actually forgot about this actually happening until I was recently flipping though pictures of my voyage to Vietnam and Thailand. But this nonsense took place at my layover in the Philippines. I had been stuck in this airport for god knows how many hours and really just wanted to sit somewhere that wasn’t a hard aluminum/plastic bench/seat. Then they start squawking something about boarding about to happen. Walk over to the gate and what are we greeted with? O, just a fucking sea of ancient people in fucking wheelchairs. You know those times when you hit up the store and there is like zero parking spots and like 30 empty handicapped spots. Well this is the reason they have those. You never know when all of a sudden a country worth of old wheelchair bound corpses might show up.
And yes, boarding was a nightmare.
P.S. notice the lady in the front with the bag of boxes. Everyone was given a box with some KFC and a soda to eat because everything in the airport had been closed for probably 5+ hours at this point and our flight was about a billion hours delayed. The box contained 2 piece chicken and a biscuit. If you were vegetarian you option was to trade your chicken for someone’s biscuit. How this old bitch ended up with what looks like at least 4 boxes of KFC is beyond me. But I know I will forever hate her.
P.P.S. Can you imagine working the drive-thru when that order came through? “Can I order 412 two-piece meals?”
Location: Philippines
Death By Burrito
I’m kind of amazed by the number of bodies there are outside of food related businesses. Seems like it would be a health code issue or something. Anyways, there isn’t much to say here. This guy clearly went and got a super california burrito, the ones with the fries inside (yeah thats really a thing) and ate himself crazy. Not three steps out the door, dude literally shit himself to death. What else reason could one have for ones pants to be sitting so low. And if he didn’t actually did not die from shitting himself, the asshole cancer he now has from sitting his bare ass on that filthy ass sidewalk will clearly kill him.
Location: S.F. (near 16th and Mission St - Hobo cross roads)
Worst Bike Ever!
Tired of riding your bike to the Mission to get drunk off burritos only to come out after and find out some rape baby stole your seat and wheels to sell for crack. Well, just ride a shitty homeless instead. No one is going to steal that shit. I’d suggest washing it first.
P.S. This dude went into death rattles right as I was taking this photo. He was more sprawled and less dead running man right before this.
Location: S.F. (16th and Valencia - Where the rich come to slum it)
I Told You Fast Food Would Be The Death Of You…
Dude got out the door of the Burger King and decided it was good as time as any to go straight to nap city. The Quadruple Whopper probably put a pretty good hurting on his intestinal track and laying down on a filthy sidewalk was about the only idea he could come up with. Interesting thing here is, he is outside Burger King but he is napping with a Mc Donald’s cup. Mixing fast foods is the ultimate in gluttony. Micky D’s does have a better coke mix, so I can understand.
Location: S.F. (In front of the gross Burger King at 16th station. P.S. One time I ate there, drunk. I’m still waiting for the doctor to call and tell me I have food born AIDS)
Shopped Out…
Holy fuck. You know holiday shopping has gotten to you when you just gotta crash out right outside the store. Maybe you shouldn’t have downed mimosas for five hours before yelling at all your besties that you got “A totes ton of shopping left to do before you head back to the AZ(fill in whatever dumb place girls who wear Uggs come from here. Really any place will work) for the holidays”. I mean who else wears those fucking retard boots out into public besides girls with brain damage? Even the homeless have more class than that. Right?
Location: S.F. (That part of town where all the shopping happens and stuff)
Picture submitted by: Fancy
Mailbox House.
Alright, so I was a horribly lazy bastard at the end of the year, and I promise to keep my New Years Resolution of continuing to be a horribly lazy bastard for all of 2012. But anywho… on with the show.
This dude(?) is gonna be totally pissed when the USPS come and take this wonderful head shelter away. You know, since they are broker than a crack whore on Easter. Good thing Old Man Bobby is not too busy multi-tasking reading the paper and asking for change to keep watch over those sweet yellow sandal things. Where the fuck do you even find those? Clearly this person has the ability to dumpster dive in the past. Worst super power ever.
Location: S.F. (I forgot where)
Picture submitted by: Alicia (lover of puppies and hobos)
There Goes Another One…
Not really sure why this dude is pulling off the whole Jesus on a cross thing, but it does look super comfy. Sometimes you’ve been riding the train around all day and you just have to say “Fuck it! I’m gonna take off these mutha fuck’n shoes and just lay the fuck down right fucking here!”
Actually, he is a black dude on BART so the cops probably shot him. Everyone knows they love using black dudes for target practice.
(Side note - things you can not buy on EBay, corpses)
Location: S.F. (BART somewhere - maybe Montgomery, who knows. Not me, cause I was drunk of cheeseburgers)
Fuck Work
I imagine this is how most people really become homeless. One day waiting for the bus or whatever, you say fuck it, I need a nap right fucking now. You lay down, take a little street nap and then BLAM! Three years have gone by, you look like a zombie and for some reason you love the shittiest of malt liquors(and crack). Moral of this story. Go to work, don’t take that street nap. Just sleep at work like the rest of America. Cause there is no turning back once you go full zombie.
Location: Atlanta (Edgewood and Boulevard)
Picture submitted by: J.P.
Festivals are Fucking Hard, Brah!
Shit! This dude had to literally wake the fuck up with a bottle in hand and just went nuts all over it. I had just got to Treasure Island Music Fest and this dude was already done. I’m also pretty sure this corpse is someone’s dad. Who else but dads wear khaki shorts with brown leather belts? Answer: no one. Only dads. Someone come claim your fathers body, before he pisses himself.
Location: S.F. (Treasure Island)
LAX will kill you…
If you have ever flown out of LAX on Virgin America and have multiple hours to kill and not someone who finds it perfectly OK to get airport drunk, then you will want to end your life just like this blonde corpse here. That place sucks like four hundred AIDS dicks (It sucks a lot). At least this corpse came prepared with a nice pillow to spend eternity on…
(Airport drunk has no reference to time, so anytime is appropriate to getting completely smashed)
Location: Los Angeles (Whatever shitty terminal Virgin America is in at LAX)
